here comes the sun

so apparently there's been some complaining among around 50% of my regular blog readers that I haven't been blogging enough.  and apparently, when it's 50% of my readership {kathy & frances}, I need to pay attention to the complaints and just get to it!

ha!

okay, so honestly, one of the reasons I haven't been writing as much is time.  I don't have a ton of it.  plus, I'm lazy.  I'd rather watch tv than think.  and secondly, I've felt a bit dry.  kinda like I don't have a ton to really write about because my head is full of the mundane.  the general business and ordinary that life dishes out on a regular basis.  the combination of these two things is disastrous when it comes to blogging.  hence the complaints.  but I get it.  I really do.  I just want to offer something a little bit more interesting or more in depth than a facebook status update or a tweet.  I'm just not too sure what that looks like.

that said, I've had a bit of a panic attack today.  six weeks until the vegas marathon.  the half for me.  EEEEKKKKK!!  I perhaps wouldn't be freaking out if I hadn't totally thrown out my back this week.  it feels better than it did on thursday, but I'm not too sure if I can walk 16k tomorrow.  this bits.  I have strayed off course and now I'm legitimately not able to train at a decent level and all I can think is that I should have just sucked it up and gone for that 4.5k walk on wednesday night.  DAMN IT!!!  lol.  so, I pick up my boot straps and I try again, right?  16k tomorrow isn't a great idea, but maybe 30-45 minutes is a wonderful idea.  I really do drive myself crazy.

and maybe this is why I don't blog as often as I'd like - you all would be exposed to my complete neurosis that is my brain!  for real.

helter skelter

so there's a song that I know, an old hymn in fact; the author, thomas dorsey, wrote it after his wife and baby died in child birth.  when I sing it, hear it, play it, I am reminded of the pain that it represents and the hope that dorsey felt.  the lyrics of the first verse have been playing in my heart for the last few days:

precious lord, take my hand
lead me on, let me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn
through the storm, through the night
lead me on to the light
take my hand, precious lord, lead me home

then the church at that time said that he wasn't allowed to play it in church.  it was too bluesy.  it sounded too much like THAT music - you know, that jazz and blues that was being played in the clubs.

and all of that - the lyrics, the story - remind me of grace.  and how someway, the story is always bigger than our perception.  that the divine is working in a bigger place than what I comprehend or often trust.  and through it all, I get to choose.  I get to choose grace.  I get to choose joy.  I get to choose.

right now, right here, I am tired.  I am weak.  I am worn.  and I'm not sure I totally realized it.  and somehow I had thought that I had been forgotten.  dismissed.  left to be.  and apparently I was wallowing too much to see it.  that my hand is being held through the storm.

I am tired.  I am weak.  I am worn.  and I am ready to choose grace.  again.

there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears
and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears
get over your hill and see what you find there
with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair  {mumford & sons, after the storm}

yellow submarine

1.  I've decided that busy is the new normal.  I hate it, but it is what it is, so I must develop a system to survive.  a protocol.  an efficiency system.  so last weekend, I cooked a pizza and froze it for the kids lunches {my nemesis}.  I made 5 doz super healthy muffins.  made my happy protein pancakes for an easy grab in the morning.  and I cleaned out my freezer.  and honestly, it's like I took a ton of decision making and planning and thinking right off my plate.  when John's on nights, and I'm the parent in charge, I need to make things easy for myself.  I succeeded this week.  and it's lead to easier parenting.  this I can do.  so yes, this is me patting myself on the back - and asking for y'all to remind me that when I'm sinking again in a couple of weeks, yell at me to GO BACK TO THE PLAN!!!!

2.  I started my walking program again this week.  I hit the pavement on tuesday and wednesday.  and then today didn't happen.  but tomorrow will, so it's a good start, right?

3.  I haven't been on the long board in a week.  THAT is a problem.  long boarding is good for my mental heath!

4.  I went into school last weekend and got ahead of myself for the first time all year.  that was a good idea on so many levels.  but now I feel like I need to do the same next weekend.  yeah, not a habit I want to get into.  mind you, next week I'll be able to go in early and that is my usual way of staying ahead of the game.  that and blasting my music in the morning while I work!

5.  no #5.  I'm tired.  finished the last of the bag of vegas m&ms.  black.  purple.  pink.  aqua.  good thing I have this little half marathon thingy coming up.  I can totally stock up!

xoxo

hey jude

holy headache, batman.  sigh.  I refuse to connect the amount of vino that was had with dinner last night with the frontal lobe achy feeling!  I was suppose to walk 14k this morning.  I slept until 10.  I was suppose to be going to the football game this afternoon.  yeah, that isn't happening either.  nate is going to go with john this afternoon; ty and I are going to go to fridays game.


we did our thanksgiving dinner yesterday.  it was lovely!  and there are so many things that I'm thankful for.  I just can't think of them.  my head hurts!  so sad.


so I was reading mandy's blog this morning.  and I posted a comment on what I want to do this week:


write. walk. think before speaking. be grace. and bake some pumpkin muffins.
totally going into a crazy week where I’m in the office more than in the classroom. a whole different kind of crazy!!

and that's really it.  especially the thinking before speaking part.  the thinking and speaking ratio has been off kilter as of late.  honestly, I'm in a funk.  and I need to snap out of it asap.  maybe I'll be able to get 10k in today.  and I think some zucchini loaf can get made if I can find my grater!

all you need is love

let's make october all about the beatles.  I have a new love for the fab four.  mainly because I started teaching grade 4-6 music this year.  I may love music, play the piano and know one or two things, but I really didn't know what I had gotten myself into by saying I was game to do this.  so I had a panic attack in july over the whole thing.  then I made a plan.  a plan, oddly enough, which was kicked off by glee.  glee doing "imagine" with the deaf choir.  I figured that I could teach my kids to sing.  and to sign.  and to do it all at once.  at the remembrance day ceremony in november.  brilliant, right?  HA!  well, there's still a month, I may be able to pull this off.  so in honour of some great music, I hear by declare that my blog for the month of october is going to be titled by beatle songs!

okay, so now I'm off track and totally can't remember what I was going to write about.  sheesh.  I am so ADD somedays that it kills me.

so I did do some skateboarding this week.  I took both of these pictures while sailing down the street!  totally fun!  for real though, I had sat down with a good thought that I was going to blog about and it's just gone.  so I think this is all you get on this lovely october night.

xoxo.